The Trip is Over

In 2012, Justin and I went to France. We visited Paris and Bordeaux and it was one of the best experiences of my life. We laughed at the Louvre and got lost in Montmartre. We ate in vegetarian restaurants, I ate several sheep thyroid, and we placed a lock on the Pont des Arts bridge. Everything about the trip was special and created myriad memories that I will cherish forever.

Almost three years later, I finally realized the difference between the special connection we shared going into the trip and what we have today. The amount of love between us makes it difficult to talk about having a life beyond today. Each time I think I pass through the hardest part of this journey, life seems to extend the course. We were tricking each other and we were not honest, with ourselves or the other person. So now, much like going through drug withdrawal, we are in our own space and dealing with the pain of being apart.

The trip is over. And it hurts.

My Ears Are Warm

It's been 9 months since my last post. I left this space with a mission to focus on beauty. I gave myself some perspective and provided a few parameters, but clearly I did not have any idea how to hone in on this subjective focal point (or my life's Drishti).

What is beauty:

Inspiration: finding it, it finding you, and giving it to others
-if you seek superficial relationships, that is what you will find
Friendship: sometimes the gain, other times the loss
Family: power of feeling connected even though your thousands of miles apart
Change: "the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of changing"
Self love: when was the first time you said "i love you" to yourself? When was the last time?

Updates:
-Financials - I am still in debt but things are much better! I currently have $13,800 outstanding. Quick breakdown includes: $3,100 401K loan; $9,500 0% interest credit card loans; $700 reserve line balance; and $500 on my American Express card. The good news is things are getting better. They are not getting worse. And they are not staying the same.

-Fitness - I finally hit the weight room area at the gym last night. It has been a while since I went down there and it felt good to lift. I did a couple workouts and then went to yoga, where I was able to start a handstand from the crow position. This was a huge accomplishment and brought a smile to my face.

-Smoking - I unofficially quit on May 4th, which means I started chewing the stupid disgusting gum. It helps, but I think it also upsets my stomach and gives me diarrhea.

-Drinking - Feeling good about the cut backs I have made. Sometimes I have a couple too many but I think that's part of the fun. The biggest A-ha moment I had over the last 9 months is this: I get drunk at the bar. I realize this; I know this; I own this. Otherwise, I keep myself in control and that is  empowering.

From here, I am going to drop of important life lessons I pick up.
bye