Life's a Beach

Winters in Minnesota are brutal and not something to take lightly. Luckily, my friends are creative and willing to do anything to make the most of a situation...even winter. In January 2015, they hosted a cabin weekend in Merrill, WI. Other than spending time with college friends, the obvious highlight was a sleigh ride we took through snow covered trails in central Wisconsin. Retired Clydesdale horses pulled us along and everything felt right, even though it was only 15 degrees that day. It was amazing!

I fell in love with an idea during this trip and it is about to become a reality. This week, I am flying to Los Angeles to kickoff my biggest road trip yet. My journey will take me from the fabulous streets of West Hollywood, to the hills of San Francisco, through the Redwoods in Northern California, over to Eureka, CA, up to Eugene, OR and then to Portland, OR, where I will meet my sister and her family for a few days. I need the break and I am so excited.

In yoga class this week, our instructor took us on a visualization exercise and I believe it changed my perspective. We were lying down with our eyes closed and she brought us to a white, sandy beach. Completely alone with the mist from the ocean settling lightly on our nearly naked bodies. She then lifted us from ourselves and told us to look down, from above. "What do you see?" she asked. I did not have an answer. "Nothing", I guess. "You see someone with compassion, love, hope, accomplishments, sadness, loss, fear, and beauty", she continued. I choked up a bit.

Do you have those days where you think - what else could go wrong? Or, who else could I possibly bump into today that I once allowed to hurt me? Nauseating, right? Well, yesterday was one of those days for me. However, the yoga lesson inspired me to look at myself from above and ask myself, "What do you see?" I saw someone with a generous spirit, supportive friends, means to go and travel, love for life, and someone who really needs a break from the city I love most. Everything came together and I faced the day. Actually, I kicked its ass.

My life is beautiful. Sometimes it does not make any sense and sometimes events are so predictable I am uninspired. Whatever. I guess my point is that you do not get anything if you don't show up. You gotta play to win baby.

Let's play!
Gregg

The Trip is Over

In 2012, Justin and I went to France. We visited Paris and Bordeaux and it was one of the best experiences of my life. We laughed at the Louvre and got lost in Montmartre. We ate in vegetarian restaurants, I ate several sheep thyroid, and we placed a lock on the Pont des Arts bridge. Everything about the trip was special and created myriad memories that I will cherish forever.

Almost three years later, I finally realized the difference between the special connection we shared going into the trip and what we have today. The amount of love between us makes it difficult to talk about having a life beyond today. Each time I think I pass through the hardest part of this journey, life seems to extend the course. We were tricking each other and we were not honest, with ourselves or the other person. So now, much like going through drug withdrawal, we are in our own space and dealing with the pain of being apart.

The trip is over. And it hurts.

My Ears Are Warm

It's been 9 months since my last post. I left this space with a mission to focus on beauty. I gave myself some perspective and provided a few parameters, but clearly I did not have any idea how to hone in on this subjective focal point (or my life's Drishti).

What is beauty:

Inspiration: finding it, it finding you, and giving it to others
-if you seek superficial relationships, that is what you will find
Friendship: sometimes the gain, other times the loss
Family: power of feeling connected even though your thousands of miles apart
Change: "the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of changing"
Self love: when was the first time you said "i love you" to yourself? When was the last time?

Updates:
-Financials - I am still in debt but things are much better! I currently have $13,800 outstanding. Quick breakdown includes: $3,100 401K loan; $9,500 0% interest credit card loans; $700 reserve line balance; and $500 on my American Express card. The good news is things are getting better. They are not getting worse. And they are not staying the same.

-Fitness - I finally hit the weight room area at the gym last night. It has been a while since I went down there and it felt good to lift. I did a couple workouts and then went to yoga, where I was able to start a handstand from the crow position. This was a huge accomplishment and brought a smile to my face.

-Smoking - I unofficially quit on May 4th, which means I started chewing the stupid disgusting gum. It helps, but I think it also upsets my stomach and gives me diarrhea.

-Drinking - Feeling good about the cut backs I have made. Sometimes I have a couple too many but I think that's part of the fun. The biggest A-ha moment I had over the last 9 months is this: I get drunk at the bar. I realize this; I know this; I own this. Otherwise, I keep myself in control and that is  empowering.

From here, I am going to drop of important life lessons I pick up.
bye